There are still a couple of weeks until the annual Valentine’s Day scramble. The gorgeous flowers, decadent chocolates, and romantic cards are part of the big marketing push in the retail sector. The suggestion is that if you love your significant other, you must jump on the bandwagon and buy these products to show your love.
Most years, Hubby buys the sweet peas and I some flowers; it is way out of his comfort zone but he does it anyway. I sincerely do appreciate that he makes the effort to do the hard things and I am especially grateful that he does it for the girls; it means a lot to me to see him showing affection to his daughters through the gift of a rose.
Albeit thoughtful that Hubby shows he cares on Valentine’s Day, it means a great deal more to me that he shows love on the other 364 days of the year. It is nice to have a day to deliberately celebrate love and affection for your loved one (especially for those who struggle with it otherwise). However, true love is not about making one day special. True, committed love comes on the other days — the hard days, the long days, the not-so-lovely days.
Society has strayed so far from what true love really is. What it is not … fuzzy feelings, breakfast in bed, or romantic dinners out on the town. True love is where the rubber meets the road. True love is when we don’t “feel” the love. True love is when we choose to love when our partner is unlovely.
I think of the struggles we had earlier on in our marriage — fights misunderstandings, hardships and hurts that could’ve buried us — but I’m pretty confident that it was the small, insignificant choices that have kept us glued together all these years.
I’ll share a few non-negotiables that Hubby and I practice that may help you navigate through your relationship, not just on Valentine’s Day, but the rest of the year through:
- Don’t go to bed angry. I have had to grit my teeth but I will do whatever I need to do to choose to not hold a grudge when I go to bed.
- Sleep in the same bed even when you’ve had a hard relationship day. Do not go to sleep with your kids or on the couch or a guest bed, regardless of how your relationship was that day. The only time each of us chooses to sleep on the couch is when we are sick.
- Communicate, even simply through text, when you are leaving to come home, whether it is from work or recreation. It is a small but powerful way to communicate. You are saying “I respect you enough to let you know when I’ll show up at home.”
- Something I’ve done since the day we were married is to greet Hubby at the door if I’m at home when he comes home. It doesn’t matter if he is just coming home from work or otherwise, it is a way of showing respect. No matter if he or I have had a bad day, or if I have my hands in the dishwater, I stop what I’m doing, cheerfully greeting him with a kiss and taking his lunch kit or packages out of his hands to free him up to take off his boots and coat.
Simply, we could sum it up with the Golden Rule: “Do to others what you would have them do for you.” Do the hard things. That is true love.
The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect the position of this publication.
