One of the hidden barriers to understanding why we allow others to cross our boundaries is busyness.
If we are wound tightly with our to-do list and thrive on accomplishing that list, we can overlook the emotional energy needed to process requests.
A request from a teen could be the constant badgering for use of the car this Friday night. Your gut is saying no; somewhere in your foggy memory you know there was a violation last time that would substantiate a denial this time.
You mean to be firm but you don’t have the time to adequately address them and say no, so you give in. You’ll do better next time you tell yourself.
It could be your boss who asks you to work late again with no extra pay but a casual promise of time-off when you need it.
You know you promised your partner a night of no work but how can you say no to your boss when so many are out of work? At the same time you know it happened frequently. You waver back and forth and agree knowing you wouldn’t enjoy the free time with that hanging over your head anyway.
Or perhaps it is more personal, your partner desires something you know would damage your self esteem. However, you are afraid they will leave, or think you are no fun. You give in but can’t get over going past your comfort zone.
From kids to bosses to partners and strangers we all occasionally allow our boundaries to be crossed at times.
Making sure there are the margins in life to weighing on options and competing needs is important to keeping a healthy self esteem and not wallowing in fear or resentment.
The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect the position of this publication.
