It’s the dog days of August, which means it’s time again for the Mid-Summer Sports Quiz:
1. The new slogan for the Toronto Blue Jays franchise going forward is:
a.) Good pitching is overrated
b.) Kids day every day — even in the locker room
c.) Wait till 2026!
2. Kawhi Leonard left the Raptors to sign with the L.A. Clippers because:
a.) He wanted to play closer to home, and the Clippers meet that need.
b.) Endorsement opportunities are greater in L.A. than they are in Canada
c.) Hated to have to keep pretending he was a big fan of Drake.
3. A new logo is being developed for the CFL, and its graphic will show:
a.) A silhouette of the head of commissioner Randy Ambrosie
b.) The CFL’s unique wider, longer field
c.) A prone quarterback writhing in pain
4.The Open Championship at Royal Portrush in Northern Ireland was significant because:
a.) An Irishman, Shane Lowry, won the prestigious title on his home soil
b.) All spectator tickets were pre-sold for the first return to Royal Portrush since 1951
c.) Lowry’s booze-filled post-tournament victory celebration party lasted longer than the actual tourney
5. Tiger Woods wasn’t a contender at the Open because:
a.) He shot himself out of the event with a first-round 78
b.) His aging 43-year-old body breaks down earlier than normal
c.) Exhausted from playing his fourth tournament since April
6. The proposed new $550 million arena in Calgary means that:
a.) The Flames will have one of the poshest palaces in the NHL
b.) Home-ice advantage will be a key element of Flames success
c.) Stanley Cup success or not, Calgary taxpayers will be peeved for the next few decades.
7. The new Ken Holland-Dave Tippett GM-coach tandem in Edmonton:
a.) Brings tons of experience to Oiler Nation
b.) Sends a message to fans that better days are ahead
c.) Will invoke strategy that sees Connor McDavid playing 40 minutes a game instead of his normal 23.
8. The most annoying thing about televised sports events these days is:
a.) Announcers who talk too much
b.) Dumb questions from broadcasters to athletes
c.) Commercials featuring the Trivago guy
- Bob Molinaro of pilotonline.com (Hampton, Va.): “The Dodgers will erect a statue of Sandy Koufax to join the bronze sculpture of Jackie Robinson that was unveiled in 2017, 45 years after his death. Koufax retired in 1966. Nobody can accuse the Dodgers of rushing into the monument business.”
- Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, discounting suggestions that robot umpires would strip the game of umpire personalities: “The last umpire who added personality to the calling of balls and strikes was Inspector Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen) in ‘Naked Gun.’”
- RJ Currie of sportsdeke.com: “Andre Agassi claims he lost the 1990 French Open final because he was wearing a hairpiece and was concerned about accidentally ripping it off. So, he lost because he was afraid of having the rug pulled out from over him?”
- Brad Rock of the Deseret News: “Tim Duncan has been hired by the Spurs as an assistant coach, which gave coach Gregg Popovich an opportunity to crack a joke. ‘It is only fitting that after I served loyally for 19 years as Tim Duncan’s assistant, that he returns the favour.’ Duncan’s first assignment will be to practice being rude to sideline reporters.”
- Comedy writer Jim Barach: “Yasiel Puig was traded to the Indians. The Dodgers put up with his antics for six years, trading him to the Reds who had him four months. At this rate he won’t finish the week in Cleveland.”
- Headline in theonion.com: “Kawhi Leonard Worried He’s Succumbing To Glitzy L.A. Lifestyle After Purchasing Flashy 2016 Subaru.”
- Patti Dawn Swansson, aka the River City Renegade: “Every time I see Dave Dickenson, I think of a yappy, little lap dog. Coach Chihuahua, the Calgary Stampeders sideline steward, is forever tugging on game officials’ pant cuffs and you just want to slap him on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.”
- Janice Hough of leftcoastsportsbabe.com, on the added benefit of the Reds and Indians swapping Yasiel Puig and Trevor Bauer: “At least neither team needs to fire their anger-management counsellor.”
- Jack Finarelli of sportscurmudgeon.com, on Urban Meyer’s latest ‘retirement’: “If you look at leaving a job as a head coach in college football as akin to divorce, then Meyer is the Zsa Zsa Gabor of the Gridiron.”
- Swansson again, on PGA Tour player Brooks Koepka: “I can’t recall anyone looking so bored while being so great. I sometimes wonder if he’ll need a wakeup call to play the back nine.”
- Jim Barach again, after Jeremy Lin says his NBA job prospects aren’t promising and his career is at ‘rock bottom’: “Which is really low considering he played a season with the Knicks.”
Care to comment? Email brucepenton2003@yahoo.ca
