Unless you’re an avid fan of the National Football League, follow the likes of Peter King, Adam Scheffer and Pro Football Focus on Twitter, and know obscure things like sack leaders and the NFL’s best at yards-after-catch, it might be a little testy to keep track of some of the newer stars in the league.
Between the Allens and the Joshes, not to mention the occasional Ryan, it’s hard to keep track of the name of the latest star of your favourite team.
We can start with the most famous of all for this name-game exercise, Matt Ryan, the all-pro quarterback of the Atlanta Falcons who led his team to the infamous ’28-3’ Super Bowl game in 2017 where the Falcons blew that big lead and suffered a 34-28 setback at the hands of the New England Patriots.
Another ‘Ryan’ of note at the QB position is Tannehill, a former first-round draft choice of Miami Dolphins who has now assumed the starting role with Tennessee Titans.
Buffalo’s quarterback is a sophomore named Josh Allen, who is getting great acclaim for bringing the Bills back to respectability and a potential playoff spot this year. He is not to be confused with the Josh Allen who is a defensive end with Jacksonville Jaguars. When those two teams play, Josh Allen the defender has his sights set on sacking his namesake at QB.
Kyle Allen is no relation to the Josh Allens mentioned above, but he is the new quarterback hopeful for Carolina Panthers, who lost their starter, Cam Newton, to a shoulder injury earlier this year. The Panthers won five of the first six games started by Allen in Newton’s stead and fans wonder if the former NFL MVP will regain his job when he regains his health.
Denver Broncos added to the name-game confusion midway through this season by starting Brandon Allen at quarterback after Joe Flacco went down with an injury.
So, if you’re keeping track, there are three Allens at QB — Josh, Kyle and Brandon — plus an Allen at defensive end. There are three Joshes — two Allens and a Rosen. And two QB Ryans.
Thankfully, there’s only one QB Lamar (Jackson) of note and only one Deshaun (Watson).
And Patriot fans will be quick to remind you there’s only one Tom Brady.
- A flashback note from Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle: “A flight attendant asks then-heavyweight champ Muhammad Ali to fasten his seatbelt. Ali: ‘Superman don’t need no seat belt.’ Flight attendant: ‘Superman don’t need no airplane.’”
- Patti Dawn Swansson, aka the River City Renegade, on Randy Carlyle’s clean living: “The sole blot on Kitty’s file was a pee test that proved faulty at the world hockey championships. The only way Kitty could have possibly failed a drug test is if the squints were looking for residue from a glazed donut.”
- Florida Atlantic football coach Lane Kiffin, to ESPN, after Conference USA fined him $5,000 for tweeting a doctored photo that depicted on-field officials as being blind: “We have freedom of speech, but I guess around here there’s no such thing as freedom to tweet.”
- Swansson again: “The only sure thing in sports is that TSN and Sportsnet will talk about Auston Matthews more than the Pope talks about Jesus.”
- Vancouver comedian Torben Rolfsen: “A good SNL sketch would be Bill Belichick interacting with little kids as a mall Santa.”
- Bob Molinaro of pilotonline.com (Hampton, Va.): “In a year, the Golden State Warriors’ lineup has gone from a Who’s Who to “who’s that?”
- Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times: “The Golden State Warriors, in barely six months, have gone from being the Beatles of basketball to … The Who?”
- Norman Chad of the Washington Post on Twitter: “(Jets coach) Adam Gase always puts a play chart over his mouth. Uh, you don’t have to do that, Coach – no one cares what you are going to call.”
- Comedy writer Brad Dickson, on an unnamed college football team being so sad that “the school fight song is by Sarah McLachlan.”
- RJ Currie of sportsdeke.com: “The world's largest bra was recently unveiled in London to promote breast cancer awareness — size 1222B! And Calgary thinks on Nov. 24 they're hosting a big Cup?”
- Another one from Perry: “Scientists are experimenting with psychedelic drugs in an effort to erase bad memories and thus prevent the triggering of depression. Rumour has it they plan to test it out on Bengals fans.”
- Chad again via Twitter, on the spectre of Lions QB Matthew Stafford amassing 60,000 career passing yards without ever winning a playoff game: “This recalls Marco Polo, who travelled nearly 75,000 miles without ever using frequent-flyer points.”
- Another one from Chad: “IOC is short for International Olympic Committee, NCAA is short for National Collegiate Athletic Association and FIFA is short for Corrupt to the Core.”
Care to comment? Email brucepenton2003@yahoo.ca
The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect the position of this publication.
