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‘Bonehead Bevell' and what a debut for Matthews!

Columnist Bruce Penton shares headlines from the past decade in sports
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Random sports headlines from the last half of the decade that’s winding to an end:

Feb. 16/15 — The ‘B’ in Bevell also stands for bonehead (Seahawks offensive co-ordinator called for a pass play in the dying seconds of Super Bowl 49 that was intercepted and gave New England the crown. Critics lamented: “Should have given the ball to Marshawn Lynch.”

Aug. 24/15 — ‘Let’s make a deal’ propels Blue Jays (Toronto GM Alex Anthopoulos acquired shortstop Troy Tulowitzki and pitcher David Price to cement the Jays’ playoff chances.)

March 7/16 — Votto among baseball’s top 10 (In one man’s opinion, the Toronto native who plays first base for Cincinnati Reds is the sixth-best major leaguer.)

Oct. 25/16 — Matthews has a debut to remember (No. 1 draft pick Auston Matthews, already hyped to the sky by the Toronto media, put that hysteria into overdrive by scoring four goals in his NHL debut. Alas, the Leafs lost 5-4 to Ottawa and Matthews has evolved into a solid, but hardly a superstar, forward.)

April 24/17 — Hitting marvel Ichiro still amazing at 43. (The Japanese star was truly baseball’s hit king, with more than 4,300, including 3,000-plus during a 16-year MLB career that was still going. Those other hits came in pro ball in Japan, where he played until age 27.)

Dec. 4/17 — Gushue, Jones best bets for curling trials’ wins. (Canada was choosing its Olympic curling reps during a competition in Ottawa, eventually won by Kevin Koe and Rachel Homan.)

March 12/18 —It’s showtime at a Golden Knights home game. (The NHL’s newest team doesn’t just put on a hockey game for its fans; it’s Vegas, baby, so the peripheral entertainment is widespread, and magnificent.)

July 23/18 — More NBA power in the West after James joins Lakers. (LeBron James’s trip around the NBA takes him to Los Angeles, where he joins the Lakers in a power-packed Western Conference also featuring three-time champion Golden State Warriors and perennial contender Houston Rockets.)

March 4/19 — Super sniper Ovechkin not slowing down. (Future Hall of Famer Alex Ovechkin seems to be getting better with age. At 34, he’s still among the hottest goal scorers in the NHL.)

July 1/19 — Henderson at peak of Canada’s pro golf mountain. (Ontario professional Brooke Henderson, only 21, captured her ninth professional tournament title, most by a Canadian, breaking a tie with Mike Weir, Sandra Post and George Knudson — the three others on Canada’s Mount Rushmore of golf.)

  • Comedy writer Jim Barach: “Bernie Sanders blasted Major League Baseball for ‘greed’ over a plan to cut minor league teams. Although he said the same thing to the kid who tried to sell him a $5 hotdog at one of those games.”
  • Barach again: “NHL player Keith Yandle lost nine teeth after being hit in the mouth by a puck. What do you call an NHL player who still has nine teeth? ‘Rookie.’”
  • Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times: “Boy king Tutankhamun, 19, died more than 3,000 years ago from infection that set in after he broke his leg in a chariot crash, claimed Dr. Zahi Hawass, a leading Egyptian archaeologist. Adding further insult, his chariot’s suspension failed the postrace chassis inspection.”
  • Bob Molinaro of (Hampton, Va.), on scuttlebutt that Urban Meyer will be Jerry Jones’s next coach: “Can we look forward to the Urban Cowboy? The headline is too good to go to waste.”
  • Norman Chad of the Washington Post: “The NFL still retains a pervasive hold on much of the sporting public. Heck, the NFL could’ve sold DirecTV Sunday ticket packages to passengers on the Titanic.”
  • NOT SportsCentre, on Twitter: “REPORT: The NBA has instructed its officials to only call LeBron for travelling if he literally takes the ball on vacation to another country.”
  • Norman Chad again: “(Lions) Jeff Driskel is under centre again, the result of an unusual Ross Dress for Less “Be the Lions QB for a Month” contest.
  • Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg: “Johnny ‘Football’ Manziel's wife, Bre Tiesi, is seeking a divorce. Bre is seeking her share of the money Johnny made while they were married. Including his Starbucks tips.”
  • Headline in the “Antonio Brown Proves He’s Changed Man By Breaking Into Robert Kraft’s House In Middle Of Night To Apologize”
  • Another one from Dwight Perry: “A Las Vegas hospital billed the parents $2,659 to pull a tiny doll’s shoe from their child’s nostril. Imagine what it would cost to extract Antonio Brown’s foot from his mouth.”
  • Tim Hunter of KRKO Radio (Everett, Wash.), on a study’s claims that drinking two glasses of wine or beer a day is more likely than exercise to help you live past 90: “I like studies.”
  • Rams coach Sean McVay, to reporters, on why running back Todd Gurley has been getting more touches in recent games: “Me not being an idiot.”
  • @Bruinalytics, when the San Jose Mercury News asked its readers to name the Pac-12’s most heated football rivalry: “Fans-Refs.”

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The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect the position of this publication.  

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