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Parents need to find the ‘sweet spot’ when talking with teens about drugs

The Moose Jaw Public Library hosted a conversation during National Addictions Awareness Week about how parents can speak with their teens about drug use.
Teens
Teens are 50-per-cent less likely to use drugs if parents are active role models.

It can be difficult for parents to talk about drugs with their teenagers, but the Moose Jaw Crystal Meth Strategy Committee is making it easier by providing helpful tips and conversational strategies.

Mary Lee Booth, public relations co-ordinator for the committee, and the Moose Jaw Public Library teamed up on Nov. 25 for a presentation about how to speak with youths about drug use. The talk was part of National Addictions Awareness Week, which ran from Nov. 21 to 27.

Escaping problems

Teens use substances mainly for recreational and self-medication purposes, Booth said. They want to experiment and fit in with other teens, cope with problems, or numb unhappy or uncomfortable feelings or situations.

“Kids are more likely to be offered a substance from a friend rather than someone they don’t know. … How do you say no or sidestep when it is a friend when you really want to fit in, and you don’t want people to think you’re the geek or the nerd? That’s definitely something parents may want to consider,” she noted.

Since parents are afraid to talk about this, teens usually talk to their friends because they’re available and willing to provide advice, agreed Teanna Gross, an addictions counsellor in Moose Jaw. Furthermore, teens usually move away from their parents during this time, so drug use is normalized.

Protective measures

There are protective factors that can dissuade teens from using drugs, such as strong family attachments, positive community involvement, connections at school, religious or spiritual beliefs or positive friendships, said Booth. While these factors can’t guarantee teens won’t use drugs, they can reduce the likelihood. 

It’s never too early to speak with teens about drug use, including discussions about making good decisions, developing healthy coping skills to handle tough situations, handling peer pressure, the consequences of actions and taking “safe risks,” she continued. 

Parents need to find opportunities to have two-way chats with their teens every day, which can help both stay connected. Adults should also refrain from lecturing kids since they will tune out. 

Great strides have been made in talking about mental health and there is less shame in talking about it, added Booth.

Parental connections

If teens plan to use drugs, they should consider with whom they are using the substances, who their friends should call if something happens and who will act as a sober driver, said Gross. 

Gross added that parents must be relatable and know what the trends are in culture. They must also understand that kids like to be interactive and — particularly teens — don’t like to be peppered with questions. 

Booth agreed, adding that alcohol and cannabis are two other substances about which parents should be concerned. Furthermore, parents need to know that after school is prime time for teens to experiment with substances, which means adults should be around to help prevent substance use. 

“The research shows that kids who learn about risks from their parents are 50-per-cent less likely to use drugs,” she said. “Parents, they matter. They are the most important role model for youths.”

Listen and validate

It’s important to listen and validate what teens are saying, Booth continued. This doesn’t mean parents have to agree with what’s said, simply that they are listening and acknowledging their teens’ concerns, feelings and thoughts. 

Teens want the same thing as adults: to be seen, heard and understood, she pointed out. Meanwhile, parents should be comfortable with silence in conversations since it could indicate the teens are thinking of a response or working up the courage to say something important.

“We as adults need to be better at that (dealing with silence). And then teaching your children that, (that) there’s great value because there are mental health benefits,” Booth said.

Good behaviour

Parents need to recognize their children’s good behaviour, whether it’s a pat on the back, word of thanks, or compliment, she continued. Saying negative things only makes teens pay less attention.

Meanwhile, adults should give teens more autonomy as they grow older, but they should still attempt to remain involved, be interested and want to know where their teens are physically and virtually. 

Consequences

“If you let them be too independent before they mature enough, there could be consequences,” said Booth, which means there should be no private spaces in the home. “Parents have to find that sweet spot.”

Teens need plenty of support when they reach transitions in life, whether going into high school, moving to a new home, experiencing parental separation or divorce or graduating from Grade 8 or 12. During these times, parents should set aside regular time with their teens to bond.

Balance

Parents need to ensure their teens have balance in life, which includes allowing them to express their individuality and be independent while setting clear and consistent expectations and rules, Booth said.

She added that parents need to keep their emotions in check when speaking with their teens and avoid making empty threats or face losing credibility with their kids. 

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