Other than being afraid of the dark as a kid, I’ve never been all that curious about “what goes on when the sun goes down.”
I recall always being nervous about what or who might be lurking in the shadows in the back alley I had to travel from my friend’s house to my own home. They were only normal shadows but they seemed bigger and now I confess that I was happy when my friend always agreed to walk with me to the end of the alley and wait until I got into my yard. Then I’d run like mad into the house and close the door on the night sounds.
Now when the day ends, I turn off my computer, take a good book in hand, and don’t think about the darkness. I have no idea who is still up and why they are. Until recently.
My morning, on a normal day, starts about 6 a.m. and after I’ve poured my orange juice (squeezed a few days before by Housemate) and peeled and sliced my fresh pear, I sit before my laptop, lift the lid and awaken the e-mail account to see what I’ve missed.
Some mornings there are only one or two new letters. On other days the mailbox is flooded with 20 or 30 items, most of which go into the trash as I wonder how some of the senders got my/our address.
Then I began noticing a trend: between midnight and 6 a.m., the theme of many of the e-mails related to one’s health and a healthy lifestyle.
The senders always seemed to have bits of advice to make one’s life better. Whether their messages are accurate is another matter and one avenue of discovery I’m loath to pursue, fearing perhaps there might be a scammer or other form of e-mail creeper behind the messages. The question to ponder: why do they only send these messages after dark?
I was intrigued by the subject line in one that simply said: “old teeth.” My teeth aren’t as old as I am and I suspect the message was for folks with their own teeth but I couldn’t help but click the mail open. I learned that rubbing honey on one’s teeth will kill harmful bacteria in one’s mouth. I wonder if that relates somehow to the spoonful of honey referred to in that famous musical? The message did not specify if the honey works with dentures.
Another subject urged me to “eat this nut” to flatten the stomach. I haven’t had a flat stomach for years so I doubt if eating pistachios by the wheelbarrow full would do the trick. The information in the letter claimed this nut feeds the healthy gut bacteria, contains more than 30 vitamins, minerals and other nutrients and will slow aging and prevent chronic disease. I wonder if it is too late for me to try out this nut(ty) theory?
The cinnamon letter raised some interest: put a teaspoon of cinnamon in one’s coffee to burn fat nine times faster — faster than what was not revealed. I don’t drink coffee but I might give it a go, with a bit more than a teaspoon of cinnamon. Should I still add milk and sugar to mask the taste of the coffee?
The soda pop industry must surely be annoyed with the message that one should not drink diet sodas. They, the e-mail said, trick the pancreas into thinking it is getting sugar when that isn’t happening. The craving for sugar remains, leading the individual to consume cookies and cake. There was a video with this one but I didn’t want to see anyone’s pancreas before the sun came up.
Then came a mysterious message to buy a product to replace one’s collagen levels but the video of some doctor who discovered a magical powder was 30 minutes in length and I was burning daylight already.
Among the e-mails were others relating to how to manage the work of certain body parts but this being a family newspaper, I’m not going to mention those parts.
No wonder those messages came in the dark, after the sun went down.
Joyce Walter can be reached at ronjoy@sasktel.net
The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect the position of this publication.
