Sports fans know with certainty that Tom Brady can do amazing things with a football, especially throwing them for touchdowns while monstrous men are racing after him trying to crush every bone in his body.
We don’t know, however, how he would describe such a play while sitting in a press box high above the field, telling North American sports fans just what transpired, and why. But Fox Sports is willing to wait for Brady to retire from active National Football League duty and then pay him a whopping $375 million over 10 years to do just that.
Welcome to the most recent instalment of The Crazy World of TV Sports.
The extreme goofiness began a couple of years ago when CBS executives became infatuated with Tony Romo’s ability to foretell what was going to happen on the football field, and to explain it in excited and precise detail to viewers. They showered him with a $17.5 million annual salary to sit beside play-by-play man Jim Nantz and do just that for 18 weeks in a year.
Other big names followed. Joe Buck and Troy Aikman left Fox for ESPN’s Monday Night Football at around $15-$17 million per year. Al Michaels left NBC for Amazon, where he will do play-by-play of Thursday night games for $15 million or so a year.
But back to Brady. Sports fans know nothing about his broadcasting ability, but Fox Sports is on the hook for $375 million so they’ll make sure he gets the best coaching. If he emerges as a dud in the booth, some Fox executive will get fired.
Sports broadcasting is undergoing radical shifts everywhere. In Canada, the old boys’ club — Gallivan, Hewitt, Hodge, McLean, Cherry, Hughson et al — has given way to a more diversified group. Tune in to an NHL game this spring and you might see Jennifer Botterill, Caroline Cameron, Leah Hextall, Cassie Campbell-Pascal or Meaghan Mikkelson describing to fans what they’ve been watching. Diversity has not been limited to gender, either. One of the freshest voices on hockey broadcasts in the last couple years has been Harnarayan Singh, who calls a clear, precise and informed game on Sportsnet.
One thing the Canadian hockey broadcasters do not have in common with their richly paid cousins in the U.S. is salary. Canadian veterans such as Chris Cuthbert, Elliotte Friedman, David Amber and Ron MacLean command handsome salaries, likely in the half million to million-dollar range, but their paycheques are minuscule compared to the ridiculous salaries paid to the superstar broadcasters in the U.S.
Theoretically, big-name broadcasters are hired to increase viewership, which leads to higher ratings which in turn command more lucrative advertising revenues.
But if you believe Tom Brady can generate an additional $375 million for Fox Sports over 10 years, I’ve got a deflated football to sell you for that exact amount.
• Dwight Perry of the Seattle Tines: “San Francisco rookie righty Sean Hjelle, who made his major league debut May 6, stands 6 feet 11. Well, they are the Giants.”
• RJ Currie of sportsdeke.com, after the New York Post questioned why the NFL so often fails to address ‘crass, uncouth social-media behaviour by players: “I’m thinking we can rule out lack of evidence.”
• Headline at theonion.com: “Embarrassed Man Frantically Clears Search History After Googling Jets’ Playoff Chances”
• Columnist Norman Chad, on Twitter: “Was in a Philadelphia supermarket on Saturday. Bumped into Joel Embiid in the produce aisle. Store manager called it a Flagrant 1 and awarded Embiid two free avocados.”
• Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel: “The good news: New Dolphins receiver Tyreek Hill says Tua Tagovailoa throws ‘one of the prettiest balls I’ve ever caught.’ The bad news: He’s catching them on the second hop.”
• RJ Currie again: “At the French open, Norwegian Casper Ruud defeated Finland's Emil Ruusuvuori in straight sets. Put simply: U2 beat U4.”
• Headline at ESPN.com, on Luka Doncic’s one-man show against the Warriors: “Mavs are in a lone-star state.”
• Another one from Dwight Perry: “MLB teams will be allowed to carry a maximum of 14 pitchers on their roster through June 19. ‘Is there a minimum?’ asked the Cincinnati Reds, they of the 5.69 team ERA.”
• Kevin Millar during a Red Sox game on NESN-TV, on all the shin guards, elbow pads and the like worn by today’s hitters: “If you’re a first-base coach you need a wheelbarrow these days.”
• Janice Hough of leftcoastsportsbabe.com, on Mito Pereira losing a one-shot lead on the final hole of the PGA Championship when he hit in the water, and then double-bogeyed to miss the playoff: “Didn’t we see this in a movie featuring Kevin Costner?”
• Vancouver comedy guy Torben Rolfsen: “John Daly missed the cut at the PGA Championship. He had to get back to his other gig as a mall Santa.”
Care to comment? Email brucepenton2003@yahoo.ca
The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect the position of this publication.
