The voice in the basement drew my attention.
I listened carefully, and yes indeed, there was a distinct voice but one I recognized as belonging to Housemate.
Thinking he was trying to get my attention, but not speaking loudly enough for me to hear up the stairs and through the walls, I went to the landing and called down: “I didn’t hear what you said. Did you want something?” I asked, showing the proper amount of concern and interest.
“No,” he replied, “I was talking to the remote to change channels.”
With that I returned to my business, being thankful no one else had heard that exchange. But then again, why would anyone wonder why he was having a one-sided conversation with an inanimate object when such conversations take place more and more: “Google, turn on the lights”, “Alexa, play country music” or “Alexa, call Joe.” Nor can one forget that unseen travel companion that gives directions to nearly lost travellers.
But I had never heard anyone in our house talking to the television’s remote control so I was surprised when upon questioning, Housemate excitedly told me we could give orders to the remote control and it would change channels for us. This marvel was thanks to upgrades our cable provider had insisted we required so we could continue watching our favourite shows with an enhanced performance.
I was given a rapid tutorial on how to command this tiny device to do as I asked, only paying partial attention to the instructions. “What if the person living inside the device failed to do as directed and rebelled at the tone of my voice, or at the order as given?”
Or was this another method being employed to steal more of our household identity?
Housemate assured me the cable provider had left us with no choice but to upgrade our old large black box to a much smaller, sleeker device, which came with the voice-activation feature, as well as many other challenges/changes not previously known about higher definition reception. I had figured the picture would be clearer and the subtitles or rolling news would be easier to read. But no one told me, or I didn’t listen, that we would have to memorize dozens, yes, hundreds of new channel numbers.
After appropriate grumbling about all these changes, we sat there, with nose to the screen, as Housemate called out the numbers and I recorded them as being CBC, TSN, Global, CTV, Spike, Adult Swim (what?), A&E, PBS, NBC, ABC and so on and so on. Then I painstakingly transferred the numbers to a spreadsheet, it looking a lot like a blood pressure chart when I was done.
On the old remote, when the channel numbers were punched in, the screen automatically produced a show. This one does not. There is another step in there to learn and thus, I too, occasionally, have politely asked what’s-her-name to connect me with Channel 251, which is hopefully CBC National News.
Housemate continues to discover errors in our spread sheet, and also advised we have several more hundred channels to go through so we have a complete list of what’s available. He can be satisfied for the time being with what we already know, and with voice-activated assistance from yet another gizmo we didn’t know we needed.
I have taken to ignoring the voice in the basement. I just hope he’s asking for a channel change and not wanting me to call 911.
Joyce Walter can be reached at ronjoy@sasktel.net
The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect the position of this publication.
