The death of her mother and son within a four-year period prompted Kathleen Knapp to start journalling her thoughts and emotions, with some entries contributing to a sorrow-focused book she wrote recently.
“Navigating Grief: A Journey of Hope and Healing” is a 31-day devotional with a companion journal for people dealing with grief, isolation and loss of faith in God. The materials deliver a message of hope and healing through Jesus Christ using reflections, prayers and Bible passages.
“(Grief is) not a fun topic. But it’s a surprisingly necessary topic. (It also) wasn’t really what I was planning on for my writing career,” Knapp said.
The death of her mother, Pat Ferris, in 2016 was the first significant incident that affected her, although the death wasn’t entirely unexpected considering Ferris had lived with Alzheimer’s disease for 10 years.
Still, to Knapp, it felt like she lost a piece of her mother daily during that decade, so it was “a bit of a relief” when Ferris died and was no longer in pain. However, what she didn’t expect was the grief over her mom’s death to manifest after her son’s death.
Knapp and her husband had three children, including a daughter and twin sons. One boy, Benjamin, experienced a brain tumour at age three and another a year later. He was also non-verbal autistic, had many medical issues, had low-functioning cognition and required full-time care.
The doctors said it was unlikely Benjamin would survive the second brain tumour. So, a type of anticipatory grief settled into the Knapps since any future hopes or dreams they had for their son — being independent or leaving home — would never happen.
Their son proved the doctors wrong and lived for another 22 years before dying at age 26 during the first year of the pandemic — not from COVID-19 but from a car accident.
“But even when you have palliative care, and you have anticipatory grief, and you’re living with the ups and downs of the chronic illness, it’s still hard when that person dies,” said Knapp.
Knapp had been a palliative care nurse in Ontario for decades before she and her husband took early retirement and moved to Moose Jaw, with Benjamin’s death and the pandemic giving them the opportunity for a change.
The Friendly City was also a logical place since her brother had moved here after training at 15 Wing Airbase while her father came west after Ferris’ death.
Knapp began taking therapy in 2021 with a Christian grief counsellor, who encouraged her to start journaling. She also joined a Christian writing group, where members tended to write in devotional style, something she adopted as well.
Besides journalling, the retired nurse started a blog, where she wrote most of her posts as devotionals, along with poetry, humour and random thoughts.
“Overall, they tend to have a spiritual Christian faith base because I believe that it’s really only through faith that we can find hope in our grief,” she said.
The growth in blog posts — almost 100 entries — forced Knapp to start a website. Then, last summer, she began thinking about putting some devotional posts into a book. She realized that since nearly half the entries were about grief, it was only natural that her book focus on that area.
It was challenging and overwhelming to pick 31 entries, not only because re-reading past posts forced her to revisit those emotions but also because she wanted to include some from her physical journal. She also had to determine how to compile the posts into a cohesive unit, which meant seeking feedback from family and friends.
“But the writings of the journal were very cathartic at the time. … journalling is a great way to express your emotions and just navigate some of those complex issues in a healthy way,” said Knapp.
The motivational speaker self-published her devotional, which was a huge learning curve since there were many facets to the process, including marketing and selling.
“It’s been a fun adventure. It’s been interesting to see the doors God has been opening and the journey that this has taken, which, in three years, I would never have thought that I would have come this far,” said Knapp.
It was exciting when she received her first printed devotional, while she was thrilled when the first box of 50 arrived on her doorstep.
“I was like, ‘Wow, I’m actually a published author,’” she added with a laugh.
The book is now available through Amazon, Kindle Unlimited, the Moose Jaw Public Library, Victory Church, her website at www.kathleenknappwriter.com and the Dr. F.H. Wigmore Regional Hospital gift shop. People who purchase from the gift shop will pay a lower price and receive a free bookmark and magnet with a passage from Romans 15:13.
