I’ve had it up to here with those lovey-dovey Hallmark movies my partner and wife insists on us viewing.
Granted they are “clean” free of foul language, gratuitous murder or sex action but the plots leave a lot to be desired.
There is little imagination and a simple standard formula.
Boy meets girl again in a small American town comprises the underlying premise.
Girl comes from a successful big city career after years of absence to find the old boyfriend is still in town and bonds with him.
If the movie takes place in winter there is always a bonding on the skating rink where one shows up the other and supports them on ice.
Or the town has a Christmas show/festival that needs someone to save it from failure. Boy and girl bond over decorating the hall and wind up baking cookies together.
If the movie set is in non-winter, there is always a local festival also needing a saviour where boy and girl can bond.
Sometimes the girl comes home to find mom and pop need to retire and will close the family store or sell the ranch. She realizes she wants to take over – with eventual partnership of her re-found love.
Funny thing. There are no fat people in Small town America if you go by the Hallmark movies. Until a few seasons ago black characters were rare. Now the occasional black character comes along and sometimes even an LGBTQ couple.
As we watched one of the daily Christmas movies this year - staging after Halloween— Yours Truly suggested a novel boy meets girl twist.
Boy first lays eyes on her as she enters the newsroom for her first day on job. He notices her chemise dress fits snugly over certain body parts.
He and other men in the newsroom are ticked off. She is the first girl reporter hired at the paper invading their preserve. What does a girl know about reporting?
And her daily phone calls that convinced the editor to hire her label her as an aggressive bag.
Girl and male reporter have lots of discussions. He accuses her of being a darn feminist, teases that she probably doesn’t wear a bra.
His accidental pickup line “I bet you can’t even cook” leads to their first “date” along with the whole newsroom. She didn’t trust him.
They marry and mark 52 years together.
My partner wants to write the end. I agree.
And it is: Me seated alone on the 53rd anniversary watching a documentary on PBS.
Okay I get it. I’ve done a lot of things I didn’t want to for the privilege of hanging out with her. May as well not stop now.
Ron Walter can be reached at email@example.com
The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect the position of this publication.